expectnothing

it seems as though everything is falling apart, just as i was putting myself back together

2003-04-22T18:06:24Z

I have been so on and off depressed lately. It seems as though things will go good for a while, but then as soon as i think i am collected and happy everything goes to shit. i dont understand why i cant ever just live with NO DRAMA, and have nothing wrong. i guess thats just how life is meant to be.

i know i havent written in forever, i had a kidney infection and had to be super drugged up so that is my reasoning for not updating. skate and surf is SOOO close i am getting really excited to see everyone, especially liss i miss her!!!!

i wish i could fix everything that is wrong, and put it all back where it should be. i miss how innocent everything used to be and i wish that i could be 16 again.

you win some, you lose some

2003-04-07T05:04:34Z

well i am back from my spring break, which proved to be eventful but i mean it was me and kimmie so of COURSE we would have to come back with stories....heres the break down:

1. 2 days before departure for Kim, Robin, Jen, and Nicoles MOST FUN SPRING BREAK EVER and nicole calls with the saddest story she can no longer come with us on break because of her parents and such.
2. Dissappointed that Nicole wont be attending the trip,Me Jen and Kim keep the plans we have and decide to go even without our favorite nicole. Kim drives down to my house in NY and she is spending the night, we are supposed to leave at 9am on tuesday. Kim's mom calls canadian customs to make sure that we will be able to get over the border, and in order to go across it you need a birth certificate or passport. Unfortunately kimmie doesnt have either, so her mom decides that she will overnight her original birth certificate to my house.
3. Jen calls with some bad news. Her mom wont let her drive to NY alone because Nicole can no longer come with her. And its snowing in NJ... yes so now it is just me and kimmie haha.
4. The next morning after coming to terms with the fact that it will just be me and kim on the MOST FUN SPRING BREAK EVER kimmies birth certificate NEVER arrives. We have to drive to a town SOUTH of me to go pick it up and then drive alllllll the way north to our final spring break destination: Canada.
5. We start the drive and it beings snowing LIKE A LOT. We keep going because we are determined to have the BEST SPRING BREAK. we finally arrive in canada at 8pm.
6. Customs check NOTHING when we went across the border . . . after all that shit, but whatever we are there.
7. We follow the directions to the hotel, and after being lost for 2 hours we finally arrive to our amazing hotel . . . riiiiiggghhhht. The hotel is ON TOP of a sex store, across from a sex shop and diagonal from a flashing porn movie theater.
8. A prostitute came out of the hotel we were supposed to be staying in, and this is what breaks the plans, and kimmie and i decide that we WILL NOT stay at this hotel.
9. Kimmie attempts to get out of the car and cancel our reservations, but then a CREEEEEPY man comes banging on our car window, soooo we decide that before being solicited for sex we will just drive away.
10. After 2 hours of driving around looking for someplace else to stay frustrated and freaking out kimmie and i decide to just GO HOME. yes after the 7 hour drive, we are just gonna give up.
11. After getting lost a couple more times, we finally get off at the exit for SUNY plattsburg figuring there would be someplace for us to stay there, being that we are too exhausted to drive home. We check into a best western, and get premade food from shop right, pass out, and drive home at 8 am.

YES KIDS WE DROVE ALLLLL THE WAY TO CANADA AND DIDNT EVEN GET OUT OF THE CAR

obviously the BEST SPRING BREAK ever. then later that night kimmie went home to LI and i just came back to school, which however proved to be very very fun <3.

so now i am getting back into the swing of things and getting ready to get up SUPER early to student teach in the morning yay..... well thats it for now :)

xoxo

think about it?? what do i mean to you

2003-03-31T05:00:21Z

Your grand dad left home for the circus. He was young just like me,
with hope to explore. He married a girl in Virginia.
She could swing the trapeze; they could sleep on the floor.

Your mother was born in December, on the one sunny day that winter gave up.
She had warm summer eyes that flickered like fireflies,
when she stared at the world.

So why do you leave these stories unfinished,
my Cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes?
Why do you look when you've already found it?
What did you find that could leave you walking by?

She was raised in a New England village.
Then she moved to LA with her firefly stare,
and you loved sunset strip when it sparkled,
you grew up and you sparkled but why don't you care?

So why do you leave these stories unfinished,
my Cheshire cat doorstop with tears in her eyes?
Why do you look when you've already found me?
What did you find that could leave you walking by?

These nights I get high just from breathing.
When I lie here with you I'm sure that I'm real,
like that firework over the freeway.
I could stay here all day but that's not how you feel.

So why do you leave these questions unanswered?
The circus awaits and you're already gone.
My Cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile,
what makes it so easy for you to be walking by?
And what did I do that you can't seem to want me?
Why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes?
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be walking by?

xoxo

long way from home

2003-03-25T19:18:54Z

i cant wait till the day when i can wake up, enjoy my day, and then go back to sleep without ANY drama.

i miss home. i miss how everyone understands me there. i miss how no one ever gets mad, over stupid things. i miss how everyone is so honest. i miss how i dont have to watch what i say around people because i might get in trouble or be given the silent treatment. i miss how i can do what i want, and there are no negative reprocussions because my friends know that sometimes you just have other stuff to do. i miss the comfort of being able to come home and talk about anything, and not worry about being judged. i miss everyone that i know truely loves me. i miss home.

im tired of this. its happeneing more and more lately. im sick of having to defend myself for doing what i have/need to do. the only option is to just stop caring.

its easily said, but hard to do

i never thought you could be so amazing.

2003-03-24T18:23:58Z

this past week has been going so good. i am really happy right now, and things seem to be working out. i am up to date on all my school stuff and i never thought people could change so much. overall things are looking up. i hope.

shes the only one who knows what it is to burn.

2003-03-21T18:33:53Z

just a little survey.

Five details about your appearance right now...
[x] pjs
[x] eye glasses
[x] messy hair
[x] no socks
[x] no makeup.

Five things you did today...(since i just woke up it will be five things i am going to do haha)
[x] get my hair dyed
[x] go to the mall
[x] take a shower
[x] hang out
[x] hopefully have a really fun friday night ;)

Five dumb/funny memorable things...
[x] john, kim, and adam in the bubble bath!!!!
[x] any time kim drinks more than 3 drinks
[x] england 2000, and the NSYNC video we filmed on the tube.
[x] me tripping over EVERYTHING
[x] *MOP* nights

Five things that everyone should know about you...
[x] im from new york
[x] i hate fake people
[x] i dont like to move really, and i would rather just smoke cigarettes hahaha.
[x] im 20
[x] im a lot more shy then most people think

Five things you are looking forward to/or want to happen...
[x] for college to be over
[x] summer time
[x) andy getting married. awwwww.
[x] turning 21!!!!!
[x] spring break with kim, jen and nikki

Five favourite movies...
[x] ghost
[x] requiem for a dream
[x] bring it on
[x] zoolander
[x] dirty dancing

Five things that make you happy...
[x] hanging out with friends
[x] getting a letter in the mail
[x] getting unexpected phone calls
[x] people watching
[x] cuddling in my bed

five things that disgust/annoy you...
[x] fake people
[x] 99.9% of people that attend this school.
[x] bd. thats all i can say. (not refering to my roomate, just to clear things up. but instead refering to "b. dick" which can not be explained hahaha.)
[x] allll myyy homework.
[x] when people are really mean.

Five things you can’t live without...
[x] my phone
[x] my computer
[x] KIMMIE :)
[x] my BFF's from home
[x] my family

Five things you feel right now...
[x] happy
[x] sleepy
[x] anxious
[x] overwhelmed
[x] nervous

tell me what your thinking out loud

2003-03-17T18:17:40Z

so last night, after realizing that i truly have insomnia instead of staying up and doing work, which would have been a good idea considering i am falling behind in all my classes, i decided to re-evaluate my life and what i have been doing with myself lately. basically i realized that i dont have it so bad. yea there are alot of things that i wish i didnt do, there are a lot of people i wish i didnt know, and there are a lot of things that i have done that have caused me to make myself feel even worse about me. . . but in general i can say that i am happy. i started to look at what i do have, instead of what i dont. and i am starting to accept my flaws, as just another part of me. i have 9 people in my life who i know will love me unconditionally. even though i dont get to see 5 of them every day any more, they are still there for me, and i will always be there for them. usually people are lucky when they find one person that they can say they love, and i have found 9. its an amazing thing when you have friends that are so honest, and who know the real you. people who accept your best side, along with your faults and their favorite things about you might even be your biggest flaw. theres no need to impress them or act any way other then how you truly are. you guys have been there for me when i have been at my happiest, and when i have been falling apart. i dont know what i would do without these 9 people they are my sole support and i love them more than anything. thank you guys for always being there.

to my friends from ytown:

thank you for putting up with all my drama and complaining, occasional bitchiness, and overall moodiness. i dont know what i would have done without you guys there for me practically my whole life. i love you more than you could ever know, and i appreciate everything that you are. you guys are amazing and i am so lucky to have found you.

xoxo

you leave nothing but broken hearts

2003-03-15T22:40:16Z

i have been SOOO sick lately :( it sucks, i hate being sick. I missed like a week of classes and i am going to have so much work to make up. i hate college for that, you can never miss class.

well thats all thats been going on really. peace out.

xoxo

your actions speaking everything you think of me

2003-03-10T00:24:51Z

This weekend proved to be very eventful, as always . . .

friday night was an insane party with the Gibbler boys <3 , you guys rock. i had so much fun, thanx for a great time ;)you better come to delaware this weekend!!!!

saturday was some quality bonding with Lia, where she proved that dispite our fighting every now and then she is one of my best friends and i love her more than anything. i just want to thank her for always being there for me, and really caring about me. i love you lia, you mean the world to me.

then there were other random events that unfolded during the night, julio and company stopped by to say hello on their way through. steph gave me a whats up on her way back to school which was nice, because i missed her alot.

well i have to go back to doing homework and such.

but remember if you expect nothing, you cant get dissapointed.

right now i hate you, but tonight we'll be in love.

2003-03-07T21:24:14Z

so i am disappointed in myself again.

no matter what i do, my feelings never seem to dissipate. what is wrong with me. i have just been shit on time and time again, lied to like woah and i still am just like yeeaaa thats fine.

i have decided that i need to learn to take a stand for myself, but i dont know how. i never do. i have never been able to confront anyone, let alone to let go of the one person who means as much to me as my own life. i wish i had the will power. but i know i dont, and i dont think i ever will. the sad thing is. . .

we are like poison to each other. slowly we are just falling apart because we cant let go.

its been a while . . .

2003-03-03T05:54:06Z

so i havent updated in a while and i know everyone is just dying to know what i have been up to. hahaha. riiiggghhht. anyway . . .

+ i added some classes so i am a full time student FIANLLY.

+ i went to NJ this weekend and hung out with some of my favorite gibbler boys.

- i have yet to get a job.

+ Nikki is living with me next year!!!!!! YAY

+ Kim, Jen, Nikki,and I have planned a trip for spring break. yes it is amazing that the four of us finally got ANYTHING accomplished.

+ i do not have classes THURSDAY OR FRIDAY (best thing EVER)

well that is basically what i have been up to, besides hanging out with the trio and all :) but here is a quiz that lia made. the results might shock you.

You are Something Corporate: Cool logo aside, you
are the cutest of the bunch. Keep that pomade
protected by your "how to be ben
folds" manual. Those precious items will
come in handy when you see Jordan.

Which Drive Thru Band are you ???
brought to you by Quizilla

last night on the mass pike i feel in love with you

2003-02-11T23:11:07Z

ok so i wasnt in mass this weekend but i was close!! Connecticut was SOOOO much fun, i missed my friends from home so much and it was a perfect weekend to go and celebrate their birthday's YAY :) nellie had a surprise party thrown for her by tara who is like the BEST ever , she did an amazing job !!! we also went to the bar which was fun because everyone got in!! the drive to conn was interesting even though mar couldnt see half the way there because we didnt understand how to change the windsheild wiper fluid , ahhhh road trips with mar are ALWAYS an experience . . . but at least we werent racing another car on the way down there ;) i am so glad that i got to see nellies school this year, she got lucky and has a amazing room!! i also got to witness "the bug" which is generally a once in a lifetime experience and i have seen it twice hahaha ohhhh shit. well happy birthday to nellie and steph i hope you guys both had a really good 21st birthday!!!!

on another note JEN is back from NJ for the winter !!! yayayayayay i am so excited because i missed her for those two months :) i missed one of my unofficial roommates. JENNY JEN <3

ok well i am gonna go clean up my room.

xoxo
robin

you've got so far to go . . . .

2003-02-05T07:52:10Z

Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm making my plans for revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'd drive straight off the edge

Taking your own life with boredom,
I'm taking my own life with wine -
it helps you to rule out the sorrow,
it helps me to empty my mind
Making the most of a bad time
I'm smoking the brains from my head
Leaving the coal calling the kettle black and orange and red
This kettle is seeing red

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall

Shaking like a dog shittin' razorblades,
waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
I'm planning out my revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong I'd drive straight off the edge
I'm seeing red

I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall

Plugged in and ready to fall
Plugged in and ready to fall

Plugged in and ready to fall

[yea its been a rough day]

so besides that quiz i have been forgetting to update . . .

2003-02-03T06:37:15Z

i havent updated in forever and i am really bored with nothing to do so here is the detailed version of my life since i have last written, even though no one cares . . .

sooo on thursday nikki and i went to the glasseater show in newjersey. it was fun we got to see the glasseater boys and i got to meet some of nikkis friends who all proved to be fun fun people!!! i wanna be from new brunswick!!!! after the glasseater kids played nikki and i bounced to our next social obligation. we went to go see the gibbler boys at band practice . . . WHERE I HAD THE MOST FUN EVER!!!! i seriously missed those boys soooooooo much, they are awesome. we got to hear some new gibbler songs as well as a variety of cover songs which we allll very entertaining. after that we went out to eat and then matt tried to force nikki to deep throat a ceramic banana which was hilarious. ahhh new jersey, the most fun state!!!

friday night kim, maria and i went to my house in NY to visit the family, my dog, and nick. it was fun we did nothing friday night because we were exhausted so my mom fed us and then we got the FUNNIEST greeting from my little sister who believes that the university of delaware is in Delaware, Delaware. . . instead of newark. she is sooo funny!!!

saturday morning we went to the mall and out to breakfast with nick, then came home and my mom proceeded to tell us about how much she loves GRADE (yea the band) and some hilarious stories about blow jobs and poptarts. ahhh my house is soooo weird.

then we got back to DE around 6ish and kimmie,min,lauren and i went to JOES party. it was fun but we only stayed for a little while. then came back here and had some girl talk.

all in all it was a really fun weekend!!!! i had a lot of fun being home, and being in new jersey.

well now that my entire weekend with details is out, i can go because everyone is all caught up haha.
peace out

<3 robin

bored. . .

2003-02-03T06:23:43Z

1. What time is it? 1:18 am

2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Robin Belardo

3. Nickname: none :(

4. Parents name: Kathy and Aldo

5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 20. i more year to go!

6. Date that you regularly blow them out: 10/21

7. Hair color: brownish with some blonde and reddish

8. Tatoos: 4

9. Rate your job on a scale of 0 to 10: i dont have a job. i am a useless bum.

10. Favorite color(s): black

11. Hometown: yorktown. new york.

12. Current residence: newark, DE

13. Favorite food: Anything that's bad for you, chocolate, ice cream, and pizza usually

14. Been to Africa? nope

15. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? yea . . . it sucked

16. Been in a car accident? hahaha yea.
17. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons

18. Sprite or 7UP? Sprite

19. Favorite movies: Stand By Me, Dirty Dancing, Center Stage.

20. Favorite holiday: hmmmm. new years.

21. Favorite day of the week: FRIDAY

22. Favorite restaurant: ruby tuesdays

23. Favorite flowers: roses.

24. Favorite beverage: diet coke

25. Favorite sport to watch: Who wants to watch sports

26. Preferred type of ice cream: eh im not really an icecream person, but cookie dough.

27. How many times did you fail your driver's test? one :(.

28. Who is the last person you got email from? no one emails me

29. Which single store would you choose to Max out your credit card? express

30. What do you do most often when you are bored? watch tv

31. Name the person you are friends with that lives the farthest away? Tina, she is in spain

32. Most annoying thing people ask or tell me: did that hurt?? (referring to my lip ring)

33. Bedtime: I dont have one.

34. Favorite TV show? AMERICAN IDOL. i am so gay, i know.

35. Last person/(s) you went out to lunch/dinner with? it was breakfast but it was me maria kimmie and nick

87 days till the best weekend ever

2003-01-29T16:45:48Z

yes the offical coutdown has started. there are only 87 days untill SS2003. i am soooo excited because everyone will be there and it is gonna be awesome!

i have an exam tonight, but hopefully due to the snow my class will be cancelled.

thats all for now<3

PS - to whom it may concern,
MOP IS A JOKE. IT IS MEANT TO BE FUNNY.

more and more and more quizzes

2003-01-28T17:37:23Z

What annoying Celebrity would you most likely wanna kill?
brought to you by Quizilla

im a thug YO/ romantic

2003-01-28T16:42:39Z

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

href="http://quizilla.com/users/markelle/quizzes/What%20kind%20of%20porno%20would%20you%20star%20in%3F/">
What kind of porno would you star in?</a>
brought to you by Quizilla

talkin shit on live journals is COOL

2003-01-28T16:31:07Z

so i have decided that talking shit about people on your livejournal is dumb. if you want to say something to me SAY IT, dont write about it and figure that i am going to read it??? i mean come on now kids we arent in highschool anymore.

on another note. me and kimmie are looking for two bedroom apartments for next year. YAY!! it is gonna be the most fun ever if we can just live with each other, there will be NOOO DRAMA thank goodness.

i have the most work ever to do in the next 24 hours and i am really really sad that i left it all to the last minute, but i will have to force myself to get it done, and please someone remind me of this if i ever decide that i want to take a winter session again....

thats it for now, gotta get ready for class
xoxo <3

When did ad's for shit get so gay?

2003-01-22T04:18:46Z

So today after my study session for my class on how to correctly make tests (sounds fun right?) nikki, kim, and i watched the usual tuesday tv as my short but enjoyable study break... while watching the real world, we saw not one but 2 commericals for Kotex new pads with ADJUSTABLE VELCRO WINGS!!! oooooaaaaahhhh. one commerical proceded the ad for these amazing new pads with "the best thing invented for women since the push up bra" now we didnt quite agree, and in fact made a list of things that would be much better than fucking velcro tabs on the sides of pads . . . i mean, is that to like re use them?? who would ever do that anyway?? anyhow, here goes the list feel free to comment and add more if ya like, join in the gayness. [hey we do go to school in delaware, there really isnt anything more exiting to do]

THINGS THAT WOULD BE BETTER THEN KOTEX VELCRO STRIPS (made by velcro USA)

1. A calorie free instant automatic drunk pill, that is non habit forming of course
2. 100% effective effortless birth control, like you just look at the box and it works
3. Fat Free chocolate
4. A way to effectively exercise while watching TV, Eating, and smoking a cig or two.
5. THe never ending Number 2 meal from Macdonals, and it would be calorie and fat-free
6. GO GO GADGIT EVERYTHING

so that was the short but sweet unrealistic list we made up, and reading it over we really have no priorities . . . but hey its me and nikki and kim, what can you expect.

ok thats it for now, back to studying i go YAYAYAY yea maybe ill just go to sleep.

<3 robin

*i always let you get the best of me*

information like woah!

2003-01-11T19:05:44Z

so i realized that what i was stressing over, is just SOOO stupid because it doesnt matter. no one really cares as much as they say they do, and it ALWAYS seems to be that way. i have actually been able to see who is honest and who really just sucks and will do whatever it takes to get what they want. people put up a front alllll the time, and i am so tired of it. someone who i actually thought wasnt so nice, turned out to be one of the nicest people i know. respectful, honest, and kind. while others who i thought sincerly gave a shit about me, turned out to not really care quite so much. its werid how that shit works out. so my new thing i have decided is that i am only gonna trust people that i know can be trusted. people who have proved to be good friends to me. i am too trusting and it is just starting to piss me off that i am constantly getting fucked over or shit talked. hopefully i will be strong enough to stand up for myself, but i guess we will see.

[i miss being home]

no matter what

2003-01-10T09:16:09Z

so i have basically decided that no matter what i think, feel, or do . . . it is always wrong . . . always.

i wonder at times why i care so much when it really doesnt matter.

expectnothing @ 2003-01-08T15:28:00

2003-01-08T20:34:37Z

[i've never been so alone, and i've never been so alive]

we got older but were still young . . . we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up.

2003-01-06T16:59:48Z

So today is my first day back to school. I have class from 1:15 - 2:45 and then again from 4 - 8 at night i am pretty sad about it because i dont think i can sit in one class for four hours i will probably go insane, oh well what can you do.

i had a very fun first weekend back at school it was fun to see everyone again, a few little get togethers ;) and stuff YAY. [MARIA + KIM + ROBIN and cosmopolitans = funniest night ever. maria i can not believe you passed out on the couch for that long hahahahaha. Fake what??? and i have GYM tommorow!!! i love you girls <3]

kim and i went to ikea and redecorated some stuff, even though no one noticed becaues no one ever notices!!! EXCEPT nicole who noticed as soon as she walked in GOOD JOB, damn it must be those Jersey Schools. and nikki now you know what the black thing is too!!! were gonna get so smart learning shit like this from each other all semester;)

ok well i better go get dressed i have to go to class soon :(
<3 robin

But ill wait . . . i could never leave those beautiful eyes

2003-01-05T09:00:00Z

"Come Back"

Looking in your eyes
Praising every moment because you're my only light
Reading the stares at your passion that bears me now
Shedding no little tears
The silence scares us more than leaving could

Come back
Please don't leave me now
I'll be all that you need in life
Because I can't live without you and
I know all that you need
I can give you everything
When you're so far you'll forget about me

Waiting by your side
Knowing every moment is closer to your flight
Upset with the past, but it's all that holds us now
Believing no lies, telling each other we'll be fine forever

But I'll wait
I could never leave those beautiful eyes
I know you're sorry
I know what you must be going through
And I feel sorry for you

But please don't leave me now